


Stay

by trancer



Category: Nikita (TV 2010)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, First Time, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-11
Updated: 2011-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-17 23:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trancer/pseuds/trancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were many things Nikita never meant to do. This was one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay

In a darkened corner of Alex’s apartment, Nikita stands, still as a statue, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Jaw clenching, fingers coiled into tight fists as if expecting a fight, Nikita doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like Alex’s apartment, the façade of normalcy feels.. hauntingly familiar. Nikita understands why Alex is slipping, falling for the fake because the real hurts too much.

Nikita fell once. She fell into a black pit of endless nightmares, sharpened knives where the cuts never heal.

She can’t let Alex fall. She won’t.

Her ears prick, body tensing at the sounds of soft footsteps in the hall. Nikita knows the sound by rote. Alex.

It’s been five days since Nikita’s talked to Alex, twelve since she’s seen her. Twelve days since a Division mission went to hell in a hand basket, a body count in the double digits. A mission Alex barely survived..

Because Nikita wasn’t there.

The door opens. Nikita watches as Alex takes a step.. then freezes. Good girl, Nikita thinks to herself, a soft smile curling her lips. The lights still off, Alex closes the door behind her. Her steps are cat on cotton-ball soft now, alert, aware. She stops just at the rectangular edge of light on the floor.

“Nikita?” Alex whispers, almost whimpers and Nikita feels a hundred cuts within her ripping open.

“I’m here,” she says, stepping out of shadowy blackness and into familiar darkness.

Alex doesn’t move. In the dim light, Nikita can see her beginning to shake, beginning to shatter like Nikita once did. In a heartbeat, Nikita moves and they’re toe to toe, Nikita’s arms wrapping around Alex’s shoulders, Alex’s hands snake around Nikita’s waist, leather creaking as she balls it into fists.

“Shh,” Nikita coos as the walls Alex built to keep herself together come crumbling down. “I’m here now.”

Tears turn to wracking sobs, Alex’s knees go weak and Nikita gently eases the two of them to the floor, where Nikita sits, cradling Alex because that’s all Nikita can do. She wasn’t there before, she’s here now. She swallows the anger rising like bile in the back of her throat, the need for vengeance strong as she feels the bandages around Alex’s chest, the gunshot wound in her shoulder, sees the bruises on her face. Division agents are trained to withstand torture. But Nikita knows even a Division agent can only take so much. Alex hadn’t been broken, just bent to a degree that was close enough.

This was never supposed to happen.

All Nikita can think is it’s all her fault.

Alex’s sobs subside, lifting her body to a seated position as she attempts to compose herself. Nikita’s almost willing to let her. Almost. She can’t seem to remove her hands from Alex’s shoulders, can’t seem to stop them from sliding upwards until they’re clasping Alex by the base of the neck, her thumbs surreptitiously caressing Alex’s jaw line as Nikita brings their foreheads together.

“You know I was coming for you,” Nikita whispers, pausing because Alex’s lower lip is beginning to tremble and Nikita knows that’s the thread of hope Alex clung to during her darkest hours. Nikita blinks away the sudden sting of salt burning her eyes, then lifts her head to press her lips to Alex’s forehead. “I’ll always be there for you.”

Nikita never made this promise before, she just feels the guilt of having broken it. But, her resolve is set. She won’t fail Alex again.

“Now you..” Nikita pulls her face back, meeting Alex’s eyes as she forces a smile onto her lips. “Go get some sleep. I’ll make you some tea.”

Nikita makes tea in the dark as Alex gets ready for bed. It’s an herbal tea, made strong, spiked with pain and sleeping pills.

Alex is already in bed when Nikita enters the bedroom. Her back to the wall, arms wrapped around the knees drawn to her chest. And Nikita has to keep herself from freezing in her tracks because it’s been a long time since she’s seen Alex looking so.. fragile. Her mind already calculating finding out what was done to Alex, what she would do to them when she caught them.

“Drink this.” Nikita sits on the edge of the bed by Alex’s feet. Alex takes the cup, brings it to her nose and sniffs.

“Oh my God!” she gasps distastefully. “Please tell me this doesn’t taste like it smells?”

“Trust me,” Nikita chuckles, placing a hand on Alex’s calf. “You’ll sleep like a baby.”

They sit in silence as Alex drinks her tea and Nikita quietly watches. The cup drained, Nikita takes it from Alex, moving to place it on the nightstand. Alex’s hand whips out, clasps tightly around Nikita’s wrist.

“Stay with me,” she says, then immediately snaps her mouth closed, eyes darting towards something on the mattress.

They both know the answer. Nikita’s stayed too long, the longer she stays, the risk of her being discovered increases, putting the both of them in jeopardy.

And it surprises no one more than Nikita when she rises from the edge of the bed and begins peeling out her clothes, stripping down to her bra and panties. She notes the sudden flush on Alex’s cheeks, the hard swallow before her eyes dart away again. Nikita merely smiles before she crawls over Alex, clambering onto the other side where she stretches flat on her back, Alex already rolling onto her side, stretching her arm over Nikita’s stomach as her face nuzzles against Nikita’s shoulder.

Sleep comes quickly and easily for Alex but not for Nikita. Too many demons, unhealed scars, plans to be made and the ones yet to come to fruition. But then there’s Alex. She whimpers in her sleep, pulling the arm over Nikita’s stomach tighter. Nikita coos softly, brushing her hand over the back of Alex’s head and Alex sighs like a great weight’s been lifted off her shoulders.

And Nikita tries not to marvel at how well the two of them just seem to fit. Nikita long ago became accustomed to being wanted, desired, feared, hated or loathed. This is new to her. This being _needed_. For so long, Nikita’s been alone. She’d told herself it was better this way. How things needed to be so she could do what she had to.

Until Alex entered the picture. Nikita tried to be cold, distant. To save Alex, to use her as a tool. Mentor and student, Nikita told herself. But Nikita could no longer deny the deep pull as Alex became more than a pupil or a tool. Alex had become Nikita’s constant - the voice in the dark, the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope.

**

Not that she ever really, truly sleeps, Nikita wakes first. It’s all warming morning sun, tangled limbs and loosened sheets. Alex is still curled tightly against Nikita, Nikita’s fingers are still threaded in Alex’s hair. Her head turned slightly, Nikita’s lips still hover millimeters from Alex’s forehead.

Nikita squirms internally, every finely honed instinct within her telling her to go. She’s overstayed her welcome. This is too dangerous for Nikita - and Alex. Nikita squirms because this all feels so strangely.. _right_.

She shifts, trying to figure out a way to quietly slip away. Alex stirs, the arm over Nikita’s stomach tenses ever so slightly. There’s a familiar groan, the groan of the ass that’s been thoroughly kicked, and Nikita can only smile.

Alex groans again, blearily opening her eyes. She moves again, still cloudy with sleep, she focuses on Nikita and suddenly Alex is wide awake. Her body stiffens, her eyes widen, blue dots on white saucers.

“Alex?” Nikita asks.

“I.. You..” Alex stammers, voice trailing as she blinks away the water welling in the corners of her eyes. “You stayed.”

Nikita tilts her head curiously, fingers still threaded in Alex’s hair, grazes the tips across Alex’s scalp. “You asked me to.”

“I..” Alex stammers again, but there’s the faintest hint of a smile curling her lips. “I thought I was dreaming.”

“Considering the drugs I gave you,” Nikita chuckles, “I’m surprised you’re awake. Are you in pain?”

“No. Not anymore.”

The unease within Nikita returns. Nothing related to Division, vengeance or Nikita’s plans. Nikita’s uneasy because of Alex. They’ve never been this close before, this intimate, skin against skin, faces so close they can inhale each other’s breath. No longer safe within the darkness, they’re in the light now and the things meant to be hidden, meant to be unrequited are laid bare under the morning light.

Nikita can feel Alex’s heart quickening, her skin warming, cheeks flushing and eyes dilating. The way the flick from Nikita’s eyes to Nikita’s lips. A longing question Nikita’s not sure she has the answer to.

Nikita swallows. Hard. “Alex,” she whispers, warns.

“Nikita,” Alex whispers back, almost begs, lips already moving closer. “Please.”

And there it is. Nikita’s secret. Her Achille’s Heel. Alex asks, Nikita can’t refuse. And Nikita’s meeting Alex’s lips halfway. It’s soft but not tentative. They both know what they want. This time, it’s Nikita who moans as the fingers in Alex’s hair tighten and Nikita rolls the two of them over.

Nikita wants to be slow, gentle but there’s rising urgency within her, a _hunger_ she’s never felt before. Things she’s kept bottled up for so long, one touch from Alex, and Nikita’s come undone. She’s scraping teeth and possessive fingers. Alex whimpers. Nikita growls. She lowers so she can pull a perfect nipple between her lips, clasp it between her teeth. Alex wiggles and writhes beneath her. Then it’s Alex’s fingers threading into Nikita’s hair, fingers scraping against her scalp, pushing, pulling, hanging on for dear life.

Hunger. It’s the only way Nikita can describe it because she wants all of Alex, all at once, touch, taste, smell and hear. But Alex won’t stop moving. Nikita grabs Alex’s wrists, pins them to the mattress. She pounces, crashing their lips together.

There’s still a barrier between them, cotton versus silk. But none of that matters when Nikita slides her thigh between Alex’s legs and she growls at the wet heat waiting for her. Understanding, because no one knows Nikita quite like Alex, Alex lifts her own thigh.

The tempo is hard and fast, rolling hips, bowing, arching backs. Alex keens with each thrust of Nikita’s thigh.

“Nikita..” Alex whimpers breathlessly. Hands still pinned, she strains beneath her.

“That’s it,” Nikita says before she plants their lips together. Wet, sloppy, Nikita inhales like she can steal Alex’s breath. She releases her hold on Alex’s wrists, slides her hands under Alex’s head. “Come for me, baby.”

Hands finding Nikita’s back, nails digging, Alex lets go, all feral wail and bones turned to rubber shudders. It’s all Nikita needs and she’s plummeting over the edge with Alex. Face buried in the crook of Alex’s neck, Nikita cleaves her teeth into Alex’s shoulder. Alex howls, convulses like it’s her first time ever. Maybe it is, for the both of them.

They come down, panting into the other’s ear. Nikita can hear Alex’s breathing slow, her heart lowering. But Nikita’s still.. hungry. She still wants more. The proverbial hungry/thirty woman, Nikita still hasn’t gotten her fill. She kisses Alex’s lips, long and deep. Purrs as Alex finds some hidden reserve, rising to Nikita’s touch. Lips to neck to breasts. An erect nipple clasped between Nikita’s teeth, pulled until it pops wetly from Nikita’s lips and Nikita watches as Alex’s mouth goes slack, as she shivers convulsively. The student still has a few more things to learn.

Nikita is more than willing to teach her.

More shudders as Nikita kisses her way down Alex’s stomach, buries her nose in Alex’s mound, inhaling deeply. It’s not the first time for either or them as much as it is. Alex’s panties are removed and discarded quickly. And Nikita has to pause from the squeezing of her heart at the sight before her, as Alex spreads her thighs wide open, offering herself to Nikita - open, trusting, vulnerable. The opposite of everything a Division agent is supposed to be. The opposite of everything Nikita has taught Alex.

After everything Nikita’s been through, after everything Alex has been through, they can still find *this*. Like standing on a cliff’s edge made of thin and fragile glass, one wrong word, one wrong move and it could all be shattered in an instant. Nikita realizes it’s not just Alex who’s vulnerable in this moment. Nikita realizes she doesn’t just want Alex, she *needs* her.

Arms sliding under Alex’s thighs, Nikita lowers. Inches from where she desperately wants to be, Nikita stops, looks up and into the blue eyes that are her undoing.

 _Do you trust me?_ she asks silently.

Alex swallows hard, china doll on top shelf, nods. _Completely._

It’s all Nikita needs. She descends, jaw practically unhinging as she clamps her mouth on Alex’s pussy. Alex is waterfall wet and Nikita purrs at the idea of drinking until long after she’s had her fill. For the first time, Nikita is slow, leisurely maps Alex’s terrain with lips, tongue and friction. She pokes and prods, licks and lathes, and Alex is wriggling like a live-wire on wet ground beneath her, grunting like it’s taking everything to keep from coming right there and then. Nikita shows Alex some mercy, just a little, wraps her lips around Alex’s clit, slides two fingers knuckles deep. Not too slow, not too fast, she pumps her fingers as she suckles and pulls on Alex’s clit.

It’s quicker than Nikita wants but all Alex needs as she plunges over the edge again. Her guttural wail is scratchy and hoarse, hands flailing at the wall as Nikita finds just a little more, one more shiver, one more shudder. Until Alex truly has no more to give and she collapses bonelessly on the mattress.

Finding a hidden reserve of resolve, Nikita finally stops, withdrawing her fingers and kissing her way back up Alex’s frame. There’s a staccato-ish rhythm to Alex’s breathing and it takes a second for Nikita to realize the younger woman is crying.

“Hey,” Nikita says, swallowing the rising panic within her wondering if she’s done something wrong, crossed a line and broken something that can never be repaired. “Alex?”

“Sorry,” Alex sniffles as Nikita cradles her jaw with a hand. “I just.. I never knew it could be like that.”

Nikita just kisses Alex, pulls her into her arms. She can’t say the words - that it will always be like this. Too many truths had been laid bare. Alex had given Nikita hope. The thought of a future, a real future. But that path was still a darkened trail they both had to travel. Nikita just wasn’t sure it was one they would travel together.

With hope comes fear. Nikita’s just found hers.

“Nikita?” Alex whispers before rising enough to face Nikita. Her lips open but no words come out. Her eyes trail, following the fingers that have found Nikita’s mouth, tracing around the edge. “I..” she stammers, brows crinkling as she closes her mouth and purses her lips. Alex has her own fears. She softens, forcing a slight smile. “You don’t have to be here when I wake up.”

Nikita understands. Alex thinks this will never happen again. Nikita’s not sure if she should tell Alex otherwise. Instead, she lifts her head, brushes her lips against Alex’s like she’s trying to memorize them. Then they kiss. There’s no rising passion, no urgent hunger. But there’s meaning. Alex kisses like it’s the end. Nikita kisses like she’s not sure Alex isn’t wrong.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Nikita whispers as they part. “You know that don’t you?”

Alex nods, smiling weakly before placing her head on Nikita’s shoulder, drapes her arm over Nikita’s stomach. And Nikita can feel the tiny drops of moisture on her skin and damns herself for not being able to say what Alex needs to hear. What Nikita _wants_ to say.

It’s not long before Alex is deep asleep and Nikita feels a pang of guilt over exhausting her. Nikita slips away, sliding off the bed and rising to her feet. It’s the slowest she’s ever put on her clothes, like it’s a chore and each article of her clothing weighs a ton. Because she can’t help looking at Alex, at the slight crinkles in her brow, the pursing of her lips as the nightmares return and all Nikita wants to do is crawl back under the sheets and kiss the nightmares away. But under the harsh light of day and all the truths the two of them laid bare, there are still other truths. Risks and dangers.

Alex stirs, shifts her body, stretching her arm over the empty space on the mattress. “Nikita..” she murmurs sleepily.

In a heartbeat, Nikita’s there, brushing her fingers over Alex’s forehead, pressing her lips to Alex’s. “Shh,” she whispers, “I’m here.”

Just like that, Alex’s nightmare is gone. The tension leaves her body and she’s asleep. Nikita can’t help but smile. She lingers a little longer, lips to Alex’s cheek, lets Alex’s warmth seep into her as she inhales her scent. Indecision, return to her loft, to the mission. Stay with Alex. Nikita knows she’s overstayed her welcome. Nikita also knows..

There is hope now.

It’s what she clings to as she rises from the bed one final time, walks towards the bedroom door and out into a world of risks and dangers. She knows one day Alex will ask her to stay. And Nikita..

Will never leave.

The End


End file.
